Much has happened
since the last time I was propelled to write up a blog entry.
I will have to
chalk it up to either lack of inspiration, relentless term papers from “feeling
major” subjects and of course, the much dreaded thesis (the usual college
problems), or lackluster writing - I would conjure up a few thoughts but later
deem them as irrelevant and I would find myself alt-tabbing and doing something
else instead.
Or maybe I just felt
like some things need not be bothered with. I would much rather distract myself
with whatever medium for procrastination I could find instead of dwelling on
things that threaten to negate whatever positive vibe I’m in. Admittedly
though, there were times when I attempted to write about a couple of things
that were overstaying their welcome in my thoughts; they demanded to be
transcribed to any literary form possible. Unfortunately, fictional writing, song
writing and poetry are not my forte. Hence, emotional psychobabbling on this much-abandoned
blog is my only option.
I’m actually a
self-proclaimed emotional writer – except my emotional baggage is considerably
light today; but this entry is actually long overdue. And the need to write about it suddenly surfaced and I wasn't about to take a pass on it.
***
It was like a
calm before a storm, or when Odysseus brilliantly staged the fall of Troy
through the Trojan horse. An unexpected checkmate. I don’t know about you, but
I did not see that one coming. I realized that life just has a way of blindsiding
you just when you thought you had it all figured out, and that even erasers for
permanent ink exist.
When a great
thing comes to an unexpected conclusion, you find yourself left with a surplus
of unanswered questions. You spread yourself thin trying to find the answer to
each one (especially the ones that start with “why”). When in fact the answer
is staring you right at the face – you just can’t accept that that’s the one.
And it took some
time, but I know it all happened to give way for better things. The what ifs
will always be there. But I found that in order to move forward, it really is a
choice. It’s a decision you make for yourself each day. It’s not going to
magically happen for you, and if you relapse or throw a pity party for
yourself, that’s all on you. So stop quoting the hunger games and blaming the
world for how the odds are never in your favor Instead, take into thought
what Paulo Coelho wrote in his book, The Zahir:
“That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To
release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing
with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get
anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your
genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not
out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no
longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house,
get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.”
It
just no longer fits in your life.
The answer is
that simple. Stop asking the same questions repeatedly, because it’s highly unproductive.
And it breeds unnecessary thoughts which you could have invested on much more
important things.
It definitely wasn’t
easy. I’ve gone through great lengths just to get where I am now. I refused to
be idle and it has paid off – I’ve accomplished and earned a lot of things and I’m
grateful to God for all these opportunities that he has given me. And for
always being that voice in my head that says “It’s all going to be okay, just
trust me”. I did, and it has been the best decision I’ve made eversince that
seafood risotto I had in Rome last summer.
You see, once it’s
all over, you’ll realize that the transition from the chaos to the settling is
the most beautiful thing. And you discover that you’ve displaced most of your anxieties
with a strength you’ve never had before. You learn to mature from it, and it
changes the way you see things. Eventually, you’ll realize that God was right
and it’s all going to be okay and that things naturally fall into place. It
just goes to show that it’s always best not to put a question mark where God
decides to put a period.
No comments:
Post a Comment